Carthage

ONCE upon a time, in a land known as Carthage, there was the Third Punic War. And the result of said war was that the Roman Army, led by Scipio, took Carthage, enslaved the remaining inhabitants, and then, legend has it, salted the earth, so that nothing could ever grow there again.


Mommy is Carthage.


I am Scipio.

You see, not long ago, I heard some talk between Mommy and Daddy about giving me a sibling. And I began to realize, that this sibling could in fact carry much strength. This sibling could in fact come to rule this kingdom, which I, for the last year, have called my own. I therefore set out to invade these thoughts, to destroy them, if you will. And this, my friends, is how I did it.

I began small. Little annoyances if you will. Mommy would do some laundry and fold it, and I would unfold it and spread it around the room.

Or, mommy would pull out the vacuum cleaner, and I would attempt to pull it on top of me, knowing full well, her concern for my well being would never allow her to cause me harm.

While she was directing her attention at saving me, I would crawl, with lightening speed, to another location in the house, and get into something I wasn't supposed to. This kept mommy VERY busy, and elminated, I thought, any chance to discuss anything, much less a sibling.

But then I started to notice something. It seemed like Mommy and Daddy were enjoying all my activity. They thought it was clever. They thought I was "so curious" and "so entertaining." They started snapping pictures of me doing things I thought they'd find annoying. I realized I had underestimated Mommy and Daddy, and I knew it was time to step it up.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, my A-game. My Carthage. My salting of the earth: The TANTRUM.

It starts out simple enough. I wake up in the morning and appear to be in a fantastic mood. I smile and give mommy a hug. It lowers her defenses and puts her off guard. While she's attempting to get ready, I begin with something simple like looking at myself in the mirror, and smiling sweetly.

While she's distracted with my winning smile, I casually reach for the cable cord, which really has no business being there in the first place, but I digress. Mommy attempts to remove it from my grasp, but I hold on tight and begin to cry because she's trying to keep me from fun.
Mommy puts me in my stationary play toy. I have an utter and complete meltdown over being trapped.
In response, I make a special "package" in my pants for mommy, and begin to scream because it is there and uncomfortable.

Then I scream because mommy is going to remove said offending "package" and clean me up.

Then I scream because mommy is going to dress me.

Then I scream because mommy gave me a fake remote control to play with.

Then I scream because mommy is laughing.

Then I scream because mommy attempts to put me in the car seat.

And now mommy is officially 30 minutes late for work. sprinkle, sprinkle, little salt.
Then I get to the office and am a perfect angel for Abuela, and mommy mumbles something about a demon spawn.

And it's only 9 a.m. Later I'll scream because I am hungry, then I'll spit out the food mommy attempts to feed me. I'll scream to get into the bath tub, and then scream when I'm taken out. I'll scream while mommy attempts to put me in my pajamas.

Do you hear that? It's the sound of an only child claiming victory.
Who wants a baby now, mommy? Grandma is coming to get me this afternoon, so I'm resting up.

I heard some talk about more grandbabies on that side, so I'll be bringing some salt from home over to her place today. Get ready Grandma, I have a whole container of Mortons.