An Open Letter to The Easter Bunny

Dear Easter Bunny,

We need to talk.

While I appreciate all the stops you made on my account over the weekend, what is up with the gifts you left? This may come as a surprise to you, given how advanced I am in every other way, but I don't have teeth. And that means that the chocolate bunnies and jelly beans you left serve me no purpose. I find it suspicious that you left chocolate bunnies and blue, red, and orange jelly beans. It's suspicious because mommy could inhale a chocolate bunny in one sitting, and daddy's favorite jelly beans are the very colors you left. I wonder who is going to eat my candy? Hmmm, how very curious Mr. Bunny. And while I appreciate the books you left at Grandma's and the stuffed animals you left at Abuela and Gramp's, how about an extra bottle of milk big guy? How hard is that? A little bit of the sweet stuff for me to enjoy. I don't want to seem ungrateful, I'm just saying that in the future, you might want to consider something I could actually use.

Anyway, in spite of my disappointment, Easter went well. We went to Grandma's and to Abuela and Gramp's and took family photos. Mommy and Daddy took turns making fools of themselves trying to get me to smile, but I wouldn't cooperate.

In fact, I was strangely drawn to daddy's shirt. Look how bright it is! It's like staring at the sun. You know you're not supposed to, but you just can't stop. Also, that color yellow does nothing for mommy's skin. I'm just saying. . . .

Anyway, let's hope that next year you provide the proper gifts so I can smile more and frown less for the family portraits. You have a year to consider what will work, and if I'm not pleased, well, let's just say you've been warned. Don't make me mean, Mr. Bunny. I'm actually a very happy child, and I prefer to keep it that way.

Love your friend,
Thomas.